The Lesson

I have been away for a while. A long while. I blame the new job- I think the stability is stifling my creativity.

Seriously though, the past three weeks have spelled so many changes for my life and the way I perceive the future. After all, it was not that long ago that I sat at my desk at the fashion magazine and thought I would never get back to doing what I wanted for a living.

I took advantage of my life here, in this incredible city, but not in a good way - I let it fly by because I thought I deserved better than I had. Well, the thing is, everyone does. I was no different. There are countless people who are miserable in their jobs. And countless more that are miserable in their lives. And I let these wonderful places, people and opportunities get away because I let my life overcome who I really am.

Of course clarity is easy to come by now that I have the career I've always wanted. These people, my co-workers, are simply amazing journalists who I am honored to be around. The third day I was here, someone about 10 desks away won the Pulitzer Prize. These reporters provide copy for The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and countless other major newspapers and websites, yet they are some of the most humble people I have ever met.¶
That is not to say that this place is void of the normal complaints about computer functions or office politics. That is here too. I just can't hear the noise through my own head, clambering with the joy of being here, and with people who appreciate the integrity and drama of what real journalism is.

It took a friend going through an overwhelming personal struggle to visit to first give me the proverbial slap in the face. His constant smile and optimism made me realize all that I was missing here, all around me. His appreciation for every little event throughout the day, every place we went, made me want to do more here and stop blaming a long-ago boyfriend for my social anxiety and fear of commitment.

Of course, as the days pass, the speed by which they go seems to increase. I am trying to get back in the social game. I am trying to go to some museum openings and photography expositions, and even some parties. I don't feel completely different, but I do feel more free. A recent spat over rent with a roommate would have sent me over the edge if I were in my old job. I still feel overwhelmed, but I am trying to remember that in the end, its all relative.