Disclaimer: Scout realizes that she has absolutely no business posting this blog; in fact she thinks it may be seriously damaging to her career karma. But it’s just too damn funny to keep to herself. (And when did she begin referring to herself in the third person? Scout is worried.)People have been dropping like flies in the office lately, either getting fired or finding jobs where the phones work, ceilings don’t leak, and deadlines exist for the well-being of all the cute little editorial drones.
So part of my responsibilities now include sifting through the electronic pile of crap, A.K.A. the 500 resumes we have received for a single job posting. The whole experience has made me realize exactly how competitive publishing is in this city, and how lucky I was to make to the top of at least one of these piles. But I digress.
As I sifted, one of these resumes stood out, but not for the reasons you want to stick out to a potential employer.
Of course, his name has been changed to protect him from the laughing and pointing that would surely commence when people found out what he put on his resume.
Ok, Frank, here we go.
OBJECTIVE: To obtain a position in the field of mass media.
Me: Mmm Kay.
EDUCATION: BA in Broadcasting, Telecommunications, and Mass Media. (Cum Laude)
Me: Ohh, he’s smart. This guy has potential.
SKILLS:
Me: You know, numb chuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills….
OK, good. Wait…what the hell???
Just then I saw the reason I wouldn’t be calling poor Frank for an interview. Under a sub-head of “Transferable Skills,” This Cum Laude had listed the following:
Servant-like attitude. Concerned for the good of the workplace and the audience.
Servant-like attitude? What does that even mean? And why are you putting it on YOUR RESUME??????
Poor Frank went on to list:
Proactive, Motivated, Innovative. Works Overnights and Weekends. Ready to Learn.
He deemed the following so important he gave them separate bullet points an increased the font size to about 50.
Functions Well Under Pressure.
My head is feeling pressure.
Willing to Relocate.
Scout really hopes she doesn’t get sued for this, or she'll have to relocate. I hear South America is nice this time of year.
2 comments:
Yeah, you could potentially wind up in some kinda trouble for this, but ummm... before we worry about that... how do you think Frank would look in an apron and chaps??
"Servant-like attitude"? Hire this dude. You could have a servant. How cool would that be? Call him Jeeves.
Are the chaps ass-less?
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