As I was putting off starting a project at work the other day, I was searching through some old e-mails and realized that I inadvertently sent a blog link to "The Ex" when I showed copied and pasted this entry over a year ago.
Fabulous.
So how is everything going? How is life? If you still reading this, Ex Man, it's pretty freaking awesome. Great friends, good health, sweet job, fun city. So there.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
I'm Tired
...tired of always wanting more, tired of expecting things and getting disappointed, tired of being tired.
Monday, April 28, 2008
A new chapter
Today was one of those days that just makes me think. Think about how far I have come, and how very far I need to go.
I was put in charge of the newest hire in business news. My boss had asked that I train him, and I can't deny how surprised I was. As much as I've learned at the AP, I still feel altogether like an infant sometimes. There is always someone doing something better, bigger, etc. It's hard on the ego sometimes. Other times, it's the only thing that motivates me.
But through the doubts I have in myself, it was great to get a vote of confidence like this. Especially when this particular guy seems like an expert before he walked in the door. The briefing on him reads like a bio of someone who is 40 years old, and very accomplished at that.
When he walks in this morning, he is a lot less daunting than the picture I have built in my head. He's funny, enthusiastic....and terrified. His hand shake on the keyboard and strike the wrong keys. Lots of cursing as he makes simple errors, lots of 'I'm sorrys' for all the cursing, lots of 'I'm sorrys' for all the 'I'm sorrys.'
Our small talk reveals that he is incredibly smart and incredibly well-versed in the companies he will cover at AP.
But his nervousness makes me have flash backs to my own first days.
It made me feel like I wasn't alone in being terrified.
About 11 o'clock as I show him a computer program, he says "This may be a stupid question, but does this feel incredibly overwhelming to everyone or is it just me?"
"It's everybody," I say. "Really, everybody."
I was put in charge of the newest hire in business news. My boss had asked that I train him, and I can't deny how surprised I was. As much as I've learned at the AP, I still feel altogether like an infant sometimes. There is always someone doing something better, bigger, etc. It's hard on the ego sometimes. Other times, it's the only thing that motivates me.
But through the doubts I have in myself, it was great to get a vote of confidence like this. Especially when this particular guy seems like an expert before he walked in the door. The briefing on him reads like a bio of someone who is 40 years old, and very accomplished at that.
When he walks in this morning, he is a lot less daunting than the picture I have built in my head. He's funny, enthusiastic....and terrified. His hand shake on the keyboard and strike the wrong keys. Lots of cursing as he makes simple errors, lots of 'I'm sorrys' for all the cursing, lots of 'I'm sorrys' for all the 'I'm sorrys.'
Our small talk reveals that he is incredibly smart and incredibly well-versed in the companies he will cover at AP.
But his nervousness makes me have flash backs to my own first days.
It made me feel like I wasn't alone in being terrified.
About 11 o'clock as I show him a computer program, he says "This may be a stupid question, but does this feel incredibly overwhelming to everyone or is it just me?"
"It's everybody," I say. "Really, everybody."
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear
Here'e my horoscope from this morning. Stupid thing, why does it have to be so wise?
"You may think that time is running out, so you could get overly forceful in your search for happiness. But the greatest satisfaction may come from delving into the intensity of the uncomfortable places within your mind. Your tendency may be to avoid the darkness, yet this is where the treasures are hiding. Facing the unknown can catalyze the transformation of fear into love."
"You may think that time is running out, so you could get overly forceful in your search for happiness. But the greatest satisfaction may come from delving into the intensity of the uncomfortable places within your mind. Your tendency may be to avoid the darkness, yet this is where the treasures are hiding. Facing the unknown can catalyze the transformation of fear into love."
Monday, February 11, 2008
Deep Breath Out
It's my first post of 2008, and its only a month late.
I'm feeling better in waves. Some days are incredible high, when I realize I have great friends, and this city is really home to me now. Some days are awful, when I feel as if the floor is falling out from under me, and I can't keep track of the thoughts racing in my head.
I'm looking at the last post from 2007 and realizing that progress is in fact possible. He may still be there, but he's not in my head as much. I am contemplating the possibility of dating others. I wish I could live more recklessly than this, but this, for me, is progress.
I'll make New Year's resolutions later. For now, I'm just trying to live it.
I'm feeling better in waves. Some days are incredible high, when I realize I have great friends, and this city is really home to me now. Some days are awful, when I feel as if the floor is falling out from under me, and I can't keep track of the thoughts racing in my head.
I'm looking at the last post from 2007 and realizing that progress is in fact possible. He may still be there, but he's not in my head as much. I am contemplating the possibility of dating others. I wish I could live more recklessly than this, but this, for me, is progress.
I'll make New Year's resolutions later. For now, I'm just trying to live it.
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